We all naturally experience worries and anxiety at some point in our lives. Sometimes our worries and fears intensify, overwhelming us with a sense of danger, which impacts on our day-to-day activities.
For a child or young person experiencing excessive worries and anxiety, it can present as school refusal, phobias, social anxiety, sleep problems, reduced appetite, or withdrawing from previously enjoyable activities. The worries they are experiencing could make them seem on edge where they predict the worst outcome.
This can often leave parents feeling helpless and confused, unsure of how best to protect and support your child. Your first step maybe to speak with your GP or speaking with the school. It can also be beneficial to see if there is something you can do together at home.
What is Parent-led CBT?
Parent-led CBT is an opportunity to work with a therapist to explore what maintains your child’s fear and anxiety. Strategies and tools can then be introduced to break that negative cycle and get you and your family back on track.
Parents are in a great position to provide support for their child in overcoming their worries. They are also able to continue the work after therapy has finished, implementing strategies and tools to maintain progress, and manage any potential future setbacks. This process supports you in helping your child understand and manage their worries and fears.
“How a parent understands and responds to their child’s emotions and needs is crucial to the child’s ability to understand and regulate their own mind” Cozolino (2007)
How you can help today
Managing your own anxieties: You are a role model for your child, they will look to you to see how you manage your emotions. What has helped you, or someone you know, when anxiety is overwhelming? By increasing your awareness of your own fears and triggers, you can then begin to find solutions.
Listening: Encourage them to tell you their own story of when they first began to feel anxious or worried. What your child might fear may seem irrational to you but to them, it is very real. By listening to their story, you will be able to better understand the worry, and they will be comforted that you have just listened. Comments like “Don’t cry” and “You’ll be fine” can dismiss what your child is feeling and gives them little space to explore. Instead, naming emotions helps your child identify what is it they are feeling but if they are not ready to talk yet then give them space.
Child: appears angry and upset, and shouts “I don’t want to go back to school”
Parent: “It sounds like something has happened in school which has made you feel angry. Would you like to talk about it?”
When they are ready, you can both begin to find out about the emotion, in a curious and non-judgemental way. By exploring together, you might come across some information that makes that fear or worry a little less scary.
Problem solving: Listing all possible solutions together, even the silly ones, helps to look at the bigger picture and what options there are. You can then note down the positive and negative consequences of those. This leaves you to choose a realistic and achievable solution and have a go. Planning and making small steps forward can build their confidence, especially if you can recognise small achievements. Finding ways to increase their independence will also empower them, build their resilience and sense of self.
If you would like to know more about Parent-led CBT, you can contact me either by using the form on my homepage www.hertscbt.co.uk, or email me at amy_langshaw@outlook.com
Recommendations:
My blog about starting a new school, social anxiety, maternal mental health.
My Instagram page @amy.langshaw
‘The huge bag of worries’ by Virginia Ironside
‘Mindfulness for Children’ by Camelia Gherib
‘The kids guide to staying awesome and in control’ by Luren Brukner
‘Starving the anxiety gremlin’ (for ages 5-9) by Kate Collins-Donnelly
‘No Worries’ activity book by Dr Sharie Coombes
‘Find your calm’ by Dr Katie O’Connell and Lisa Regan
Out of the Box Fun – Guide and activities about emotions www.outoftheboxfun.co.uk
Istock image by Lemono
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