Managing anxiety as a first-time mum

Motherhood is beautiful—but let’s be honest, it’s also overwhelming. When I became a mum, I always thought I had a decent grip on anxiety. I mean, who doesn’t get a little nervous before a big presentation or feel their heart race before hitting "send" on an important email? But nothing—and I mean nothing—could have prepared me for the tidal wave of emotions that came with becoming a mother.

Me as a first-time mum

They say nothing can truly prepare you for motherhood, and that’s the truth. I read the books and followed the Facebook mum groups. I attended the prenatal classes and made endless checklists and plans. But still, there were things no article or friend could explain. Like how I’d second-guess every single decision: Is he too warm? Too cold? Am I holding him right? Is he eating enough? Am I doing this “right,” or whether I’ll ever feel like myself again? Questioning if I was strong enough for this. If I am enough for them?

Looking at this photo of me with my son, I wish I could go back and tell myself: it's okay to feel this way. Being a mum doesn’t mean being fearless.

It means showing up despite the fear. It means holding your baby with trembling hands, crying in the shower, and still getting up the next day to do it all over again.

Every little worry comes from a place of love. Every racing thought was me trying to be the best I could for this tiny human who suddenly meant more than anything else in the world.

Slowly I learned to breathe through the panic, reframe any unhelpful thoughts and become more present in the moment. I began to trust my instincts and also reach out to my partner, my friends, sometimes even to strangers online who were going through the same storm.

And little by little, the anxiety softened. It never completely left with every challenge that comes with being a parent, but it became manageable. Like background static instead of deafening noise.

If you’ve ever found yourself in a loop of worry that you just can’t switch off, you’re not alone. And here’s the good news: Cognitive Behavioural Therapy can help.

What Is CBT, and Why Does It Matter for Mums?

CBT is a type of therapy that helps you notice and challenge unhelpful thoughts and behaviours. It's like mental spring-cleaning. For anxious mums, this can be game-changing. Why? Because our brains love to latch onto worst-case scenarios. CBT gently teaches you how to slow down that process, leaving you the space to think more clearly.

Here are some ways CBT techniques can help you as a mum:

1. Spotting the Thought Traps

You know those spirals that start with “What if something’s wrong?” and end with “I’m a terrible mother”? CBT calls these cognitive distortions—patterns of thinking that aren't helpful or true. You’ll learn to name them: catastrophizing, black-and-white thinking, overgeneralizing… and once you name them, you can challenge them.

CBT Tip: Write down an anxious thought. Ask yourself: Is there actual evidence for this? What’s a more balanced way to look at the situation?

2. Breaking the Worry Habit

CBT doesn’t just talk about the why of anxiety—it gives you practical strategies to break the cycle. This might mean scheduling a “worry time” so your brain doesn’t feel the need to obsess all day, or learning to “zoom out” and view the thought as just a thought—not a fact.

3. Tuning Into the Present Moment

Many CBT approaches use mindfulness techniques. This helps anxious mums ground themselves in the now instead of imagining 100 scary futures. Something as simple as noticing your breath or the feel of your baby’s soft skin can gently bring you back.

4. Shifting Self-Talk

Anxiety loves to tell you that you’re not doing enough. CBT helps you create kinder, more realistic self-talk. That might sound like:

• “I’m doing the best I can, and that’s enough.”

• “It’s okay not to have all the answers right now.”

• “Being anxious doesn’t mean I’m not a good mum—it means I care.”

When to Get Support

If your anxiety is making it hard to function, it’s okay (and brave) to ask for help.

If you are experiencing the following then CBT with a trained therapist can help.

• Constant and overwhelming worries or distressing thoughts.

• Trouble sleeping at night (in addition to baby waking you)

• Difficulty concentrating, making decisions or loosing focus

• Less interest in the things you used to enjoy

• Finding it hard to bond with your baby

• Feeling guilty, worthlessness, or hopeless about the future.

• Withdrawing or avoiding going out, or contacting other people.

Anxiety is common—especially during pregnancy, postpartum, or those toddler years.

You’re learning how to care for your little one and yourself in your new role as mum. That takes strength.

CBT isn’t about becoming a perfect mother—it’s about becoming a kinder one, to yourself.

Be kind to yourself. You’re learning, growing, and loving fiercely.

And that’s more than enough.